Siblings and Shared Trauma
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When you become an adult you’ll no doubt be involved in many relationships. Some of them intimate where people will “know” you very well, inside out they’ll say. But nobody will know you the way your siblings will. They really “know” you, know how you were throughout your first stages of life when you didn’t conceal your emotions and said and did whatever was on your mind.
They know you also because they grew up in the exact same environment that you did. It may have been a different experience for them so the environment isn’t exactly alike but they will be the ones with the closest shared upbringing to you that will ever exist.
They’ll be able to say when you’re 50 or 80 years old that you still act out in this crazy way or still have mannerisms or habits that they recognize from childhood. And that’s nice and hopefully can be a way to bond with each other as you age.
But they also shared the traumatic environment too. They know exactly what you went through when you were neglected and had to fend for yourself or when mom and dad got “angry” and bad things happened. You likely feel abnormal compared to the rest of the world but your siblings share an understanding that’s so intimate that a simple look can communicate more between you than 1000 words.
Many families that had rampant abuse find the adult siblings having issues and because of them they tend to isolate and detach form the world as much as possible, retreating into their addictions and pain. That pain that they wrap themselves in like a blanket, so that they don’t have to face all the shame and hurt and vulnerability that is under the surface.
What is needed most of all, even more than being with a therapist at times is for the siblings to talk with each other and cultivate a relationship again. Talk about the past and about the present and about how you felt back then and how you honestly are doing now.
Take that relationship, use it for mutual benefit and then expand on it until you can talk about these things with almost anyone you like. It may take years but then again the years will pass by anyway.
“The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble.” – Clara Ortega
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