If your parents were caught in their own emotional webs, leaving them little space to see and nurture you then you most likely felt emotionally disconnected. It’s not enough that they fed you and looked after you. That’s what you do to house plants and pet fish.
Children and adults alike need to be seen and heard. It’s an important way that we all regulate our emotions. In children it’s especially important as they have much less ability to regulate and so they rely on adults to become securely attached to.
It’s not a want, it’s a need. Without it they become damaged and have to deal with that the rest of their lives.
Living so long in loneliness and isolation is painful. Having an uncle or older cousin to form a relationship with can be beneficial, and reduce the overall trauma that would have otherwise been.
The task to healing as an adult is to reach out and create those secure attachments yourself. Create them with your parents even if they are a lost cause. They don’t have to be on board or even know what you’re doing, just reach out relentlessly and say what you need to say.
Of course it’s uncomfortable as hell but that’s the way out and in the end you become the adult to yourself as well as to your parents.
““It’s funny how in this very advanced connected world everyone is so disconnected…”
― Guru Z.S. Gill
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