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Most of the time it’s in our subconscious, and we prefer it that way.
To look at our shame is to see such an ugliness. We can barely tolerate it and even feel some discomfort when we witness it in others.
It’s no wonder we turn away and pretend it’s not there. Almost everyone does. Even if we were to look at it and let ourselves become fully aware of it … what’s the point? What can we do about it anyway?
Most of the time we walk around trying to cover it up. Looking, acting and pretending that situations are what they really aren’t. Hiding your husband’s gambling problem, excusing your kids behavior as a one time event and presenting a mask to the world instead of your true self.
It’s hard.
So how do you work through your shame?
1- Acknowledge it fully. See and accept where you are weak and have difficulty.
2- Present it to the world.
This means turning toward it, feeling it and validating it. Then talking about it. First to yourself in the form of journalling and reflection. Sit with your notebook or word document and start writing. Talk about how it feels, where it comes from, what you think it means, how difficult it is etc.
Then talk about it with a trusted friend or family member. Try a therapist for a few sessions to get even more feedback and ask them to recommend a good group that provides free group therapy. The point is to listen to others and see how almost everyone feels it.
All of this gets you more in touch with your own shame, until you get to the point where you see that it’s not so bad after all. Everyone has it and by continuing to talk about it and lay it out for the world to see so to speak, you reduce it’s hold over you immensely.
You become unstuck and your life moves forward in a positive direction.
Talk about it until you’re blue in the face, breathe and then talk some more.
Always expanding your awareness.
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“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” ― Carl Gustav Jung
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